OK. I'm back. Sort of...

... so get over with it. Not sure how long this'll last, but I plan on sharing some stuff and this seemed the best place for it. Though nobody will read it anyways, but oh well.

I was never gone in the first place. Just that I felt everything has been said, and there was no need for the blog anymore.  I still log in almost daily into SL, and do more or less what I always did. Enjoy friendships. Love. Do stuff.

A few remarkable things happened. In no particular order.

Gina has returned last year. For good, it seems (knock on wood). You know the kind of person you don't talk to for years, and then meet them again and pick the conversation up right where you left it off? Gina is such a person.

London has gone missing, and then returned - sort of - many years later. There is closure, which is more than I had hoped for.

Ivanova is missing since 9 months by now. I hope she is well. I miss her.

I moved my SL home two or three times since the last post worth of that name here on the blog. The latest version is on a lovely sim I share with Ivanova, Gina, Zippora, Llyria and others. It's a bit like a hippie commune, come to think of it.

Llyria is the most important person in my Second Life (and partly beyond) for almost 5 years now.

I am fully mesh by now - the Logo head was the last piece, complementing the Belleza body.

My two previous businesses - GREENEconcept with Ivanova and Babel Translations - are officially or factually dead. Babel has experienced a rather unexpected revival in an equally unexpected direction, which is mostly the reason for reviving the blog (no worries, it won't become a marketing platform).

That's about it, in a nutshell. If anyone reads this at all, I'd appreciate a small comment.

Bye for now.

Musings on my 3rd rezday

I don't know what exactly made me sign up on that 9th of October back in 2006. I knew of Second Life before, in fact followed coverage of it loosely on BoingBoing.net - I even downloaded the client a few times but never took the final step to register. Back then a credit card was mandatory even for free accounts, and while I had a CC (not typical in my spot of the world) I was reluctant to use it.

But on that day, I made all these steps, registered my account, gave my credit card details, chose my name and logged in, stumbled my way over orientation island, talked to the parrot, made my first clumsy moves with camera control to see the back of that test-panel, lifted a stone and practised my object moving skill and finally climbed to the temple, leaped into the air, and flew into my new life.

My first months in SL were not the best. In retrospect I consider them lost time. I met the wrong people, hung out in the wrong places, and spent an incredibly silly amount of time with camping. When I look at "people my age" (read: signed up in fall 2006) many have more or less directly shaped this world for themselves. I was on the brink of leaving when I found my first real friends, people who made me stay, who are intelligent, creative and who give soul to this place. I am blessed with the ongoing friendship of some of them. Cake Kidd, Caterin Semyorka (though she is barely on anymore), lorinz Gloucester.

My Second Life got some structure when I founded Babel Translations in summer 2007. Babel posed a great and exciting challenge, Babel provided wonderful successes, Babel provided financial independence. And in the process of building Babel, new friends came. Tina Lynch and Gina Glimmer, who became a friend, a soul mate, finally in January 2008 my partner - and a while later my lover.

Real drama and artificial drama found me in 2008. My beloved Gina was forced to leave SL. A friend turned enemy over false claims - I got blackmailed and threatened in the process. But also good things happened. I found one of my closest friends and now my SL-sister Trinity Dechou, who helped me through the loss of Gina, and with who I forged a strong band of friendship. I found a new love, and while it ultimately did not last, I enjoyed the time with her very much. I renewed the friendship with London Spengler. I met one of the most amazing talents in SL - Ivanova Shostakovich - and founded GREENE concept with her. I came across Rika Watanabe's blog and when I met her in-world for the first time it "clicked" and we formed a strong friendship as well and find exceptional fun in working on projects with each other. And two other close friendships formed in 2008 - with the wonderful Quaintly Tuqiri and with the equally wonderful Zippora Zabelin.

This year - 2009 - started with a bang. Having been partnered for only a few weeks after having been together for almost 9 months, my partner broke up with me. While I was confused and also hurt at that time, it was the beginning of a new chapter in my SL. Being dragged to an event by my friend Nadine Nozaki to "get some brooding thoughts out of my mind" I discovered the Blacklist, a club which showed me the whole beauty of Second Life and the liberties to be whoever we want to be there. The Blacklist has become my favourite hangout where I can be found typically several times a week. I made friends there too, especially Lectra Forte, but also Hyang Zhao, Shye Kidd, Jo Soosung, Yoshimi Yoshikawa and many others.

In many aspects 2009 was the best year so far. I found love from unexpected and unusual sides, finally admitting the mutual feelings with London, but also - carefully and constantly surprised - finding out that I can love more than one person at once. While being with London - and actually encouraged by her - I finally allowed romantic feelings for another person who I unfortunately still can not name publicly. And finally there is Nissa Nightfire. I met Nissa the year before doing PR for my former partner when I contacted her as fashion blogger. We had occasional contact, but in 2009 the contact intensified, and we became friends. And the contact intensified more, and over the course of months, of slowly getting to know each other, we became lovers - something neither of us expected, but something that is thrilling each day anew.

By the time of posting this, there will be a party at the Blacklist to honor me. Nissa secretly planned the party, and from what I have seen during this day, she must have worked her lovely butt off with everything she arranged. As a thank you for organizing that, I spent quite some time and thought on an outfit I hope no one ever expected from me - King Peter I. of Beachwood.

I am blessed to have great friends! Blessed to have their affection, blessed to have their respect. Blessed that they opened their hearts and souls to me. Blessed to have two wonderful lovers. Blessed to have a great sister. There are so many of you not explicitely mentioned, but all of you make my life special, make my SL rich.

Thank you, thank you everybody I met over the past three years who I can call friend.

Thank you!

Love Tuesdays: Trinity Dechou

Some of the most amazing people I met in SL, I met by pure chance. Here is the story of my SL sister Trinity Dechou.

I don't know if rezzed.net, founded by SL entrepreneur Luc Aubret, ever was a success for him, or at least broke even. It started with the aim to become a social network for SL avatars, just like Facebook or Myspace or LinkedIn are in the atomic world. Having read a report about it somewhere I signed up, created my profile, and checked who else was there. To be honest, not a lot of people I knew where there, but the site also showed recent signups and there was that matrix like chick who even called herself Trinity. She was as new as I was, probably found rezzed.net the same way I did, so I commented with a "Welcome" on her profile, and she commented back. That was in early 2008.

I can't recall anymore how it happened, but we pretty soon established a close communication, meeting a lot of time in-world as she was kind of lonely while her girlfriend attended classes. We "clicked" well and - while being fundamentally different on many things - we had a lot of common views as well and a similar background. Almost from the beginning our conversations left SL and I felt secure talking about my RL with her, and she in turn had the same trust in me.

Then came the day when my SL partner Gina Glimmer was forced to leave SL by her RL partner. The whole process took 3 hours from her breaking the news to me until she said goodbye - forever, as it seemed back then.

My world disintegrated around me, and I fell in a deep black hole. And Trinity was there and caught my fall. Trinity, who lost her RL partner less than a year ago, was at my side. Listened. Understood. Held my virtual hand, and dried my tears. And was there. More than anything, she was there. And understood.

During that time, a bond was forged that was extremely strong and durable. A friendship, based on trust, integrity and understanding. A friendship that clearly goes beyond friendship. A friendship, that became a special kind of love. And some time later - under tears - we became siblings in SL. Being both only-childs, at least for me, I felt for the first time what kind of love one might feel for a sister.

We still disagree on some things, sometimes even fundamentally, like the political spectrum we favour. We also say us inconvenient truths if we think it is necessary. Only the other day Trinity brought up an issue where she thougt I did wrong, and I - even though I did not see the problem as such - apologized. The friendship is strong enough to not mind little bumpers. The trust and honesty does not only mind such things, it actually needs such incidents to be fostered further.

On Saturday, my SL sister Trinity celebrated her 3rd rezday, and her SL/RL partner Aimee, her friend Voodoo and I arranged a surprise party for her. Would SL vanish tomorrow, we would still be friends. But it won't vanish too soon hopefully, and I wish Trinity a lot more SL rezdays.

Stasis in relationships in virtual worlds and beyond

[[This is not a blog post to blame a certain person, even though I talk a lot about her in the following paragraphs! Her reasons for what she chose to do are more than valid, and I am blessed that despite those reasons, she still maintains contact with me and a few others. This is a blog post about what makes a second life, and a relationship in this world.]]

A few days ago a close friend told me of her challenges in her SL relationship. Due to timezone issues she barely meets in-world with her partner and when they meet they usually end up under their virtual blankets pretty fast. She did not complain about the cybersex - however she was lacking something. It turned out that they barely have time to create joint memories of doing things together except having sex: exploring, building, visiting events - even shopping together is scarce. The depth of her relationship was suffering.

Still thinking about this, yesterday evening I received an email from another of my friends. She is one of my closest friends and lovers in SL, and she announced that for the time being, she will not be in SL at all, unless for specifically set up dates. Her RL situation - already good by what she told me before - has taken a turn to become even better. I am genuinely happy for her, even envy her a bit for the good fortune. Being the person who she is, her feelings for her friends in SL are genuine, and she also takes on responsibility for the people she allowed close to her. She has always been struggling for the proper balance, and this struggle has entered a new stage. Being the person she is, she will manage to maintain a balance, and she will continue to be there for her friends and lovers in SL.

At first I felt warm and cozy after her email. I know I am deeply appreciated by her, I know she will manage to make room for me and others. And I know that I would probably not even notice any change. But a certain feeling of creepiness manifested itself. A certain feeling of a very awkward situation. Something was wrong, but I could not point a finger on it.

This morning on the bicycle ride to work I realized that in SL terms she put herself into stasis, she became a spirit that only comes when summoned, she stopped to live an active SL life and became basically a TV set which you switch on when you want to watch another episode of "Friends". We will continue to have joint memories - something my other friend craves so much. But she will stop to have separate memories. Finding a sim that inspires her and showing it to me later. Building something and asking me for help when it is half finished. Changing something on her parcel and presenting it with pride. She will come when summoned, but her Second Life stops until she gets summoned the next time.

When asked what a good relationship is about, people think a relationship is about doing things together. Loving and cherishing each other. Building a nest with each other. Acquiring physical items together, building up shared memories with each other. Trusting each other. Being weak while the other is strong. Being strong when the other needs support. All this is true of course.

But a relationship is also about who you are. This aspect gets sometimes forgot in RL where good looks are deceiving and sometimes hide a shallow package. The field is leveled in SL where everybody looks good, so it comes down even MORE to the individual personality. And the one thing that shapes your personality is what you experience. The things you do, the people you interact with. The places you visit. The mistakes you make. The successes you have.
This is why I have a hard time with new residents of SL - we are, literally, worlds apart. Worlds of experience, worlds of living in SL, and I find it more and more difficult to bridge the gap.

I am using online chat systems since 1989, and even though I got close to people that way before, only in SL I have the feeling that I formed lasting, true and deep friendships. The virtual environment is what makes the difference between talking together, and experiencing together. Joint and separate experiences is what forms a common ground, on which friendship and love can be built.

There is no danger for the relationship of me and my friend. We have richly acquired joint and separate memories. We connect beyond the reach of SL. It is not too far fetched to hope we will remain lifelong friends, even should SL vanish tomorrow. But this development showed me again how much I need the interaction with my friends inside the world of SL, and how important their individualism is for me.

A letter to Martin, who does not "get" SL

[This is a letter written to the webmaster/friend of my friend Rheta, who brought us the news about her death yesterday. In my email exchanges with him he persists on saying "playing SL" and similar phrases, so I tried to explain SL to him.]

Good morning,

I hope you found some sleep after the shocking day yesterday. Let me give you a big thank you again for your help. You rendered an important service to the friends of Rheta. Even if this may sound bizarre to you, for us the "parallel world" as you keep naming it is very real. Unfortunately it happens frequently that someone vanishes, leaving friends and also lovers behind you martyr their brains and hearts not knowing what is up. We even have a special word for this, the "Big Quiet". Even though the message you gave us was heartbreakingly shocking, nevertheless it brought closure. Doubts and tormenting was ended and made room to healing suffering.

If you allow I would like to tell you a bit about Second Life. I googled you and even though you seem to be a "normal" person, your business has to do with dream worlds and fantasy worlds as well. I hope you might understand a little bit what I tell you.

With very little exceptions I have only met people in Second Life who have more or less severe issues in the "atomic world" as we call it. In my case it is a son with a mental condition overshadowing my whole family. One of my SL friends is confined to a wheelchair and has to hear on a daily basis that she ruined someone's life. Two of my friends suffer from autism and can only communicate freely with people in SL. One of my friends is a pre-op transgender and uses SL to be the woman she can't be in the atomic world yet. Another of my friends is the victim of multiple rapes and barely leaves her home, not to mention have social contact with men - in SL she can. I could continue this list endlessly. In Rheta's case it was probably the D/s lifestyle and her bisexuality she could not live in the atomic world due to respect for her family/husband or social norm or job repercussions or whatever. For each of us - as well as for Rheta - SL is the way to live things we could not live in the atomic world, or an escape from pressure and hardship. SL is our oasis, in which we find 1-2 hours peace and happiness a day.

One might think this is pathetic. One might think we are people poor on feelings, seeing no other way than an artificial surrogate. Maybe it is true. And surely there are people among us who lose themselves in this world, who don't find the balance. But for us residents of Second Life, for us who we LIVE in this world, it is an extension of our reality.

Thank you for listening.

The Western Culture

My close friend London Spengler raised the issue To Nipple or not to Nipple on her blog. What started as my comment to her post turns out to become a post of its own. It often gets claimed that we are all part of "The Western Culture", and while you or me seem to have a sufficiently similar background to our friends in the US or Canada to make us seem alike, we are - in fact - not.

Our friends from Northern America come from a completely different culture, with different values and different ethics. Probably the largest area where this manifests itself is the issue of decency/sensibilities when it comes to nudity. For you or me seeing naked breasts or full frontal (female) nudity is not a big issue. We are confronted daily with it, magazines and TV is full of it. A naked breast is not considered harmful for a kid. And even in daily life and language a certain amount of innuendo does not meet raised eyebrows.

For our friends across the pond many of this might seem bizarre. What we consider banter among colleagues or even friends might constitute sexual harassment for them. What we consider a sexy advertising might seem smut and filth for them. As much as we tend to smile about it or openly state it is silly, we should accept it as the cultural background our friends have.

But there is more difference. Not only do North Americans and Europeans SEEM alike at the surface, but show discrepancies when you dig deeper. Also we Europeans are not as homogeneous. Despite Italy, Spain and France being seen as the countries of hot (latin) love, in fact the Southern countries of Europe are more prude and conservative compared to the more Northern and Scandinavian countries. An Italian woman might play with symbols, but at the same time perceive a Scandinavian woman as ferociously sexual.

This world - atomic or digital - is about variation and versatility. We have all strong sides and weak sides to add to the mix. We are all different - and that is very good. The key is having respect for everybody else. I love to see a naked female body, but I respect if a friend from the US feels uncomfortable with that, and I try to avoid confrontation. At the same time I expect that they respect that I see the issue more relaxed.

Thus said, and getting back to London's original post, when I chose to read a skin review on a blog, I should be prepared to see nipples.

Pfhorgl Onomatopoeia

I can't really recall when I met Pfhorgl Onomatopoeia - I think it must have been before Midas Financials went down the drain. We certainly had more contact in the wake of this - Pfhorgl organized a group of victims. I lost about 17k in the crash - she only lost a few hundred but out of principle tried to recover them.

Later I signed her up for Babel Translations, and we were in loose contact because she wanted to start a texture business in SL. Her textures were pretty bizarre, but certainly added a uniqueness to SL.

In December I assigned a rather large job to her, and somehow from the beginning it was problematic. She started rather late with it, and we had some annoying IM exchanges. All other translators were long ready, and I reminded her almost daily that I really need the text. At one point she stopped responding. Eventually I had to reassign the job to another translator, and give the client a discount. Pfhorgl did not log in anymore - I assumed she had switched herself invisible and wrote her off as a translator.

About 10 days ago I received an offline IM "Pfhorgl Onomatopoeia has offered you 'Pfhorgl Onomatopoeia' in Second Life. Log in to accept or decline the offer." Of course I wondered what explanation she had for dumping me on the job, so as soon as I could I logged in to retrieve the notecard. An hour later I was finally able to log in, and read the note:

To all Secondlife friends of Pfhorgl Onomatopoeia. Our sister Fabiola, known as Pfhorgl Onomatopoeia in Secondlife, had a traffic accident on past 7 Dezember 2008, she has been in Koma since that date. If you had open business with her, we ask for your understanding. We will close this account until the end of March.

After the initial shock I noticed that the account was still online, so I opened an IM widnow and talked to her brother. It turned out that from a medical point of view, there is almost no hope she will ever wake up again.

I felt bad for having been angry at her, but I had no way of knowing. I wonder if she dreams, and what she dreams.

Goodbye Pfhorgl

It's my rezday and I cry if I want to

I have an issue with birthdays, since I feel significantly younger than my biological age is. So I always feel a bit anxious when one is around. As SL is special to me, I hoped to make my first rezday last year special as well, so weeks in advance, I put out clues and hints to my friends, and hoped I could celebrate with them - alas none showed up. So this year I decided for myself to not mention it to anybody, so the potential disappointment would be not as drastic.

The first to remember it was my friend Ivanova, who started the congratulations shortly after Midnight SLT time on Plurk, and a lot of friends joined in. Later my close friend and SL sister Trinity joined in, and I received a lot of congratulations over the course of the day. That made me feel good.

Admittedly I was a bit disappointed that my girlfriend Skinkie did not seem to remeber, but when I finally took the courage to tell her she said she's notoriously bad at remembering birthdays at all. However she arranged an impromptu rezday party at the Code Red Lounge, where a lot of friends came and danced and had fun. I'm not the party animal, but I loved that so many folks stopped by. Late in the day, I even did Moggs Oceanlane's "Poppins RezDay Challenge".

So what happened in this last year? Most notably, I met two amazing women. Gina Glimmer, with who I developed a close and closer friendship, until she made me the most happy man in SL by accepting to become my partner in January. Unfortunately we only were granted 3 happy months together, followed by 3 painful months as she was forced to leave SL due to RL obligations. Yet I am deeply grateful to her, and consider myself lucky to see her still around and still have a close friendship to her. And then there is Skinkie Winkler, my girlfriend of over 3 months now, an incredibly "present" woman, who manages to root me firmly on the ground, and with whom I am so much in synch it's wonderful.

With my translation company "Babel Translations" being a success beyond imagination, I was able to take over a competitor early this year. On the business side I also founded "GREENE concept" with my friend Ivanova, developing furniture, and a business company with Trinity. Also Skinkie offered me to become part of her company and take care of the Sales & Marketing side - and I am glad to say my help made a difference.

Another highlight of the past year was also my appearance as Post 6 Guy in the SL Herald, which - as I got told - marked a special event in the Herald's history as it was the first Post 6 that attracted almost no nasty comments. May of my friends were portrayed since then - Trinity, Moggs and Gina, and even the photographer - Bunny - became a friend through this. Hope it's Ivanova's turn soon :-)

What I value most about the last year is the intensification of existing friendships, and finding new friends. The closest person to me (apart of course Skinkie) is my SL sister Trinity, and I only met her early this year by pure chance. I can not imagine how it would be without her friendship. We share openly personal thoughts and insights, and it is eerie how similar we are in many things. Ivanova comes to mind as well - I met her in Januray as a friend of Gina, and now we are very close and even run a company together. Dandellion is the only person I talk about politics a lot. We don't meet that often, but when we talk it usually goes on for hours. Quaintly commented on my blog (I still don't recall how she found it), and she became a very good friend in short time. Tarissa, who speed TPed into my office one day, and from which a long and funny friendship developed. There are a few young friendships, which still need to develop, and I hope to write about them next year. Unfortunately, there are friendships who suffered as well, and time will tell if they can be mended again.

My RL situation is a very difficult one - even became more difficult recently - and I value all of these freindships highly. Even considering the more negative events of the past year, I would not want to miss it for anything. Thank you all who made my SLife an enriching experience!

Coming full circle

Yes, I have been unusually quiet for the last 10 days. The reason for this is, that the last 10 days have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me, which made me cry tears of pain and tears of joy (sometimes at the same time) on an almost daily basis.

The event that marked the beginning of those intense 10 days is that I met a wonderful person. This person, of which I will surely tell more when the time is right, made me realize that I was in a state of limbo. Drifting, rather than actively living my second life.

The event that marked the end of those intense 10 days was that I finally could embrace my wonderful partner Gina Glimmer in-world again, after having spoken barely for about 15 minutes total during the last 10 weeks. And in an amicable athmosphere, with full trust, love and appreciation, we resolved our partnership at the same place where I proposed to her almost exactly 6 months before. I hugged and kissed my SL wife for a last time, only to hug and kiss her as my closest SL friend the second later.

Between those two events, I had to intentionally hurt one of my friends, with whom I hope friendship can be achieved again after some healing has taken place. And between those events I unintentionally hurt another friend of whose feelings I was not aware.
Between those two events, I also experienced the most intense and most shaking hour I ever had in SL, and on which I tend to report in a bit. And between those events I happened to find myself on the racing track for Relay for Life, fundraising for cancer research, and all the time thinking of my mother who struggles with this illness.

I have come full circle now, and I am ready to start my second lap in SL. Those 10 days leave me matured, and with sharpened senses. And my thank goes to my ex-wife and now friend Gina, my SL sister Trinity, my friend Ivanova, and to a very special person - thank you all for not letting me down, for being fair, for being brutally honest, for hugging me when I needed it, for listening, and for encouraging me.

My second lap in SL wll start now.

Idling

Watch the timestamps!

[6:59] Sasha Fabre: thanks
[6:59] Peter Stindberg: phone
[7:06] Peter Stindberg: back
[7:15] Peter Stindberg: brb
[7:21] Peter Stindberg: back :-)
[7:21] Peter Stindberg: I have a meeting with Seik in a few minutes - feel free to continue to idle in my office.
[7:21] Sasha Fabre: lol thanks
[7:22] Sasha Fabre: whee
[7:22] Peter Stindberg: ?
[7:23] Sasha Fabre: I was just demonstrating my excitement at the prospect of continuing to idle in your office
[7:23] Peter Stindberg: lol

Field trip with Ivanova

Last night I met with my friend Ivanova, with whom I am about to start the furniture business GREENE concept. We discussed a few designs and to-do's, but I somehow sensed that she was not wholeheartedly present. And since we had another business related meeting only the night before, I realized one can overdo with business. So I suggested to drop it for the night and go somewhere nice. After two other stops, we finally ended up at Rezzable's "Tunnel of Light" sim, and since we both had the Windlight viewer running, we went on a psychedelic trip and enjoyed swirling colors and glowing lines. Afterwards I took her to one of my favourite places in the Barcelona sim, and we danced for about an hour. Not only did Ivanova surprise me with the revelation that this was the first time ever she used a couple dance, but also with some strong emotions and feelings regarding some topics we discussed. Ivanova's own report on that evening is shorter than mine, but we agreed that it was a nice evening out, and a good change to purely work related meetings. Here's some more images on Flickr.

Getting to know Peter

My friends Cake Kidd and Ana Lutetia dropped a notecard on me with a nice new little meme. In fact I liked it that much, that I decided to answer in public:

1. What time did you get up this morning?
— 6:20 as usual :-(
2. Diamonds or pearls?
— Neither, in fact. As far as shiny things go, I prefer matte/charred silver or plantinum (which I can't afford though - oh wait, in SL I could!)
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
— The Simpsons Movie
4. Favorite TV show?
— Stargate - but I barely watch TV
5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
— Bread, cheese and tea
6. What is your middle name?
— Avatars don't have middle names.
7. What food do you dislike?
— Most seafoods and innards.
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
— Homeland "We never got this far alone"
9. Favourite sandwich?
— A croissant with ham and blue cheese and maybe some kress
10. What characteristic do you despise?
— Superficiality, dishonesty
11. Favorite item of clothing?
— I have a thing for coats, varying between trenchcoat and military jacket
12. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be?
— Scotland. Or maybe Scotland. And I think Scotland would be nice. Maybe Ireland. But definitely Scotland.
13. What colour is your bathroom?
— Avatars don't have.... oh well.... ocean green.
14. Do you make friends easily?
— In SL way easier in RL, where I am rather shy. STOP LAUGHING!
15. Where would you retire?
— Mhmmm... Scotland?
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
— My first SL rezday, but it is a bad memory since none of my friends thought of it and none was available too.
17. Favourite sport to watch?
— Sport? Watch? Favourite?
18. How many towns have you lived in?
— In SL that would be 6 places I considered me home for a while.
19. How many people do you think will send this back?
— Always the sceptic I'd say 50%
20. What’s on your bedroom floor right now?
— Avatars don't have... well, in fact most actually HAVE... but oh well, I haven't.
21. Favorite saying?
— "Indeed" - or "/me smiles"
22. When is your birthday?
— October
23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
— Probably evening to night.
24. What is your shoe size?
— Size does not matter, and in SL everything fits.
25. Pets?
— Eppie gave me her cat before she left.
26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
— Gina is back!
27. What did you want to be when you were little?
— Astronaut.
28. Which talent would you most like to have?
— Perseverance
29. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
— "Indeed" or "/me smiles"
30. What is your favorite flower?
— Sunflowers
31. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
— The 19th of each month
32. What color are your eyes?
— Somehow I did end up with blue eyes.
33. What was your favorite toy as a child?
— A "Steiff" hare, later Lego's and my wood train.
34. Summer or winter?
— Very much an autumn person.
35. Hugs or kisses?
— Hugs. And kisses. And hugs. Lots of them. Get one now?
36. Chocolate or Vanilla
— Vanilla
37. Do you want your friends to send this back to you?
— Yes, please. Or answer on their blogs.
38. When was the last time you cried?
— This Sunday
39. What is under your bed?
— Avatar's don.... ok, probably dust, and hopefully no spiders. If there's a montser under it, could it please come out and we hit the Dublin sim for some dancing and beers?
40. Who is the friend you have had the longest in SL?
— From the ones I still have contact with, it's my SL sister Cheyenne Palisades
41. What did you do last night?
— Met with an RL friend, checked into SL then and talked with a friend.
42. Favorite smell?
— Citrus/lemon and calendula
43. What are you afraid of?
— Spiders. Snakes. And clumsily and unintentionally hurting people.
44. Plain, sweet, or salted Popcorn?
— Salted, but I'd rather go for icecream please.
45. How many keys on your key ring?
— Avatar's don't have keyrings.
46. How many years at your current job?
— Babel Translations was founded in June 2007.
47. Do you have any scars?
— I used to have a beaten up skin, but I think I deleted it.
48. Favorite day of the week?
— Friday
49. How many people will you be sending this to?
— About 5 to 10 - hardly more. And of course the blog...

An eventful and slightly bizarre week

Well, stretching the definition of "week", in no particular order here is what happened:

• A close friend finally managed to get pregnant, but a sonogramm revealed the need for immediate surgery. She is now considered a high-risk pregnancy and is confined to bed
• One of my oldest friends in SL, who I love dearly, shared a very personal secret with me that only brought me closer to her
• A dearly missed person might be on the verge of return, but a lot of compromises and also sacrifices will be necessary
• A close friend's RL situation is about to change in two ways
• Another close friend's RL/SL situation tears her apart
• I spent a lot of time talking to Trinity and she became a very close friend
• I met Tiessa and danced with her for two hours before she fell asleep at her keyboard (well, almost)
• I lost a client to a misunderstanding, and regained him in a mutual going out of each others way
• I met someone who opened a floodgate, and hopefully does not get drowned as a consequence
• And probably most bizarre of all: I spent an hour fishing with Elusyve - and actually enjoyed it
  

Sugardaddy

Several months ago I friended a friend's friend, who used to hang around with the same group of people I was. She always was tight on money, so when clubbing we shared winnings from sploders with her, or gave her the odd item during a shopping run. Sometimes she IMed whether I could "loan" her some L$ - never much, sometimes 30, sometimes 50. I didn't mind at all - back then Babel Translations was in its beginnings but I always had some Lindens in my account. And I smiled inwardly about the word "loan" since I knew how tight she was, and that I'd never see it again.

However, the requests came more frequent. And from others in the group I learned they experienced the same. It started to annoy me, especially since she usually never started a conversation herself or made any suggestion for activities, unless she asked for money.
One day, she asked again, and I had enough. I told her I'd give her 500 L$ now, but then I want to never get asked for any money again. She fell silent for 2 minutes. And then she replied "Uhm... ok". I sent her 500 L$ and deleted her from my friends list. I never heard from her again.

That was an incredibly sad experience.

In the meantime, I got "rich" for SL standards. Babel ist performing very well, and I got hired for marketing concepts, custom scripts and custom animations. Those close to me know I enjoy sharing and making gifts. My SL riches mean little to me, I enjoy the liberty of not having a fridge to fill or a car to fuel. I like shopping, I enjoy to not have to restrain myself. If I meet a halfway polite and intelligable newbie, I not only give my "Newbie Welcome Folder", but usually offer some L$ as well. I tip in clubs, galleries and museums. To sum it up, I want myself and those close to me or those offering good service to enjoy this wonderful life as much as posible.

I learned some lessons though. I enjoy making gifts, but I learned that gifts can make people embarrased or make them feel obliged. So I learned to ask if they would allow me to give them something. Only recently, my friend Pika politely refused a gift. It had only a value of 150 L$, but she would have felt uncomfortable accepting it. I'm glad she told me, and it was perfectly OK with me that she paid for the item herself. And some weeks later, she gladly accepted one of my own creations - without any commercial value - as a gift.

Others are less shy. One of the newbies I helped out, and with whom I had the occasional chat, seems to mistake me for a Sugar Daddy - according to Wikipedia this is "a rich man who offers money or gifts to a less rich person in return for companionship or sexual favors". How did it start? We had rather normal talks for several months, but one day I suggested we could go shopping together. That's what I said - going shopping together. NOT "chose everything you want and I pay for it". However I seemed to have opened a floodgate. The amount of IM's I got whether I'd be available or have time exploded. During an excpetional bad SL-wheather day, we manage to visit Canimal, and I actually felt compelled to buy her an item. Already when I did, I knew it was probably the worst idea I had. And forseeably it even caused more IM's.

/me sighs

For the world to read: I am not a Sugar Daddy. I will never try to buy affection or companionship. There is much, much more I can offer than money. And true friends don't ask, and don't expect money or gifts.

/me sighs again

Another sad day.

Lady in Blue

When I met Pika Pera in April 2007, she already wore a blue skin. We lost track of each other for a couple of months, but she recently spends more time in SL and despite the timezones we meet each other more often lately.

Being a determined Blueist, she complained that there are no decent blue skins available, so I told her I might make one for her.

The result can be seen here, and the silver bikini adds tremendously to the alien look Pika prefers so much.

Friends

In times of crisis, you need friends to prevent you from falling into a black hole. I am priviliged to have some great friends, who listened to my cries, my whining and helped me in my misery. Foremost I have to thank Trinity, who has lost her RL/SL partner to a cruel fate, and who was an invaluable and patient help during the last days. Pika sacrificed her sleep for me and listened. Tarissa, a relatively new friend of mine, had an open ear and warm words. Nynke offered support, Caterin offered help, Cake sent encouragings hugs while I was offline, Sasha distracted me. Véronique, who I barely meet due to timezones, sent warm email notices and I feel even closer to her now. Lillie had some brutal insights in her special way, and her poem - though a coincidence it was - touched me deeply. Fuji was sad that she was unavailable when I needed her most, and Seikatsu - cut off from the net most of the time due to traveling - sent me emails and asked if she could do something. Djanna was on a loss for words, but I felt her caring thoughts, and even my friend Tina, who can not be described to be Gina's biggest fan, went out of her way and symphatized with me. And finally Zylina, who almost lost her husband due to a medical screwup not long ago. Zylina, who likes to play the silly person in order to hide her fragile soul, she made me laugh again. And Zylina was it, who asked if I think that Gina would like me to transform this blog into a shrine of unhappiness and loss? Or if she would rather like me to use this blog to tell of the wonders of my second life? Thank you my dear friends, and all the others who sent encouraging words. You did not take away the grief, but you caught me when I fell, you gave me the strength to go on. And that is what Gina would want me to do as well, I am sure. Go on. I owe her a lot. She brought me back on track, gave me so much help and support. I owe it to her to go on. Whether she will come back one day or not. Thank you, all of you!

The straight guy and the lesbian - a few words of explanation

My recent partnering with Gina Glimmer raised a few questions, and unfortunatly caused some pain as well. It seems emotions come always at a price, only this time it was not (like the other times) me who had to primarily pay it...

The biggest source of raised eyebrows or outright curiosity is the fact that my wife Gina is lesbian. And even though it is none of any of your business, let me answer the often voiced, and probably often not voiced question: no, we have no sex. Of course we don't - she's a lesbian and lesbians don't have sex with guys. Is it that difficult to understand?

The next question is usually "So why did you marry her?". Actually this puzzles me a lot. The reason should be obvious: because we love each other! In fact the question is also offending. It suggests that having cybersex is the only reason to partner with someone in SL.

So why did I partner with her? Being three times in SLove before, and failing three times with lots of pain? To be honest, I did not intend to ever again engage in something romantic after the last time. Too deep the pain, too much the hurting. My approach to take things more lightly worked, I started to have fun in SL again, my creativity returned, I started to exploring again. It also allowed me to appreciate my friends more. Refraining from romantic entanglements sort of liberated me. During the time I was open for romance, I checked every new person (or every old person) I met against the might-she-be-the-one? But as soon as I ruled romance out for me completely, I was free, and could focus more on the people, who they are, what they do.

I knew Gina for almost 6 months already, and even during the phase of my last unhappy non-relationship, I watched her artistic experiences closely. In my post-relation status, I was able to fully open up to her, taking her as an unbeliavably creative human being. Her being a lesbian actually helped - I could focus on the person, without being distracted by the female.

Soon we realized a symbiotic effect. My skills completed hers. I did custom builds and animations for her. I helped her with the business side of things. I inspired her, gave her impulses. I became her toughest critic, and her biggest admirer.
In turn, she brightened up SL for me. Brought beauty into my office, made me feel valuable for my feedback. Philosophized with me, helped me to see clearer what I want in SL, what SL means for me. She showed me the beauty of SL again, encouraged me to do crazy things. We found out that our minds were in remarkable synch. I will never forget the day she teleported me into a small shop where she was looking for a dress, and asked me for my favourite. I named three outfits, and she admitted that actually those were the three she had in mind too. During this time, friendship became deep friendship, and deep friendship became - to our mutual surprise - love.

I had a hard time admitting these emotions to myself. Too deep where the wounds from earlier experiences. Her sexual orientation did not bother me that much, since I feel at home amongst lesbians anyways. For a while, I thought I offer her to become my sister, and in fact it might have simplified a few things. But there was more, there were feelings one should not have for a sister. So one evening I admitted my feelings to her, shyly, cautiously, afraid she might turn her back on me. And when she replied, with a soft smile, that actually she feels the same, my RL eyes filled with tears.

I am sorry to say that there has been fallout from our love. The majority of my close friends were very happy for me, but two close friends where hurt and felt betrayed. One of them had romantic feelings for me, of which I was not aware. A series of misunderstandings, plus an unexcusable insensitivity of mine, made her suffer very much. I am sad about this, especially my faux pas, and I hope it will mend in time. The other one had no romantic feelings for me as far as I can tell, but was caught off guard and saw our friendship endangered. However both Gina and myself are free spirits, and being partnered to each other does not mean that we now exclusively spend every in-world minute together!

I feel at the end of a long journey, and at the same time at the beginning of an even more exciting journey. In restrospect, all these months in SL I was looking for Gina. She makes me complete, she balances me. It is great to finally belong to someone, and even greater to know that all those feelings are mutual. We are Ying and Yang. We are whole now.

The search is over. Now let the journey begin!

The cold season

Ever since reading about the Charlatan coat on SL Men on December 11, I sidled around the vendor, undecisive whether to buy it or not. I showed it to my sister Chey and my friends Elusyve, Gina, Ramo and Tina who in turn loved or hated it. Which did not exactly help to decide for it. Then Chey considered recommending it to her Sweetie, since both where looking for coats (read more about Chey's recent coat madness here, here and here ). Of course if Chey's Sweetie would wear the coat, I would not buy it. But I kept returning... sneaking around it.

Tonight, Chey asked for the landmark to the coat again, since she wanted to buy it as a present. I teleported her to the shop and she tried to figure out if it is trans. Finally she bought it, and I begged her to put it on, because I wanted to see it on someone. But she declined, saying it's not right. All of a sudden Ramo appeared:

[12:00] Cheyenne Palisades: Peter, I'm afraid this is an ambush
[12:00] You: Oops?
[12:00] Cheyenne Palisades: We are here to wish you a merry christmas and to ask you to accept this present from the two of us
[12:00] You: uh?
[12:00] Cheyenne Palisades gave you [CIVVIES] "Charlatan" Coat (mod/trans/nocopy).
[12:00] Cheyenne Palisades: hehe
[12:00] You: Awwwwwwwww!
[12:00] You: Oh wow!
[12:00] You: Oh my!
[12:01] Ramotswe Nagy smiles
[12:01] Peter Stindberg gulps
[12:01] You: Oh... wow
[12:01] Cheyenne Palisades giggles happily
[12:01] Peter gives Cheyenne a big hug.
[12:01] Ramotswe Nagy likes to see peter speechless
[12:01] Cheyenne Palisades likes hugs
[12:01] Peter gives Ramotswe a big hug.
[12:01] You: You shouldn't have!
[12:01] Cheyenne Palisades: Yes, we shoudl have
[12:02] You: Wow, thank you!
[12:02] Ramotswe Nagy: of course we should
[12:02] You: Am I supposed to leave it until Christmas?
[12:02] Cheyenne Palisades: Any man that goes four or five times to look at a coat is serious
[12:02] Cheyenne Palisades: No, put it on.
[12:02] Cheyenne Palisades: Let us see you in it
[12:02] Ramotswe Nagy: yes do it now!!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you you crazy women! I love the two of you!

Good hair day

The first "real expensive" thing I bought was prim hair. I harvested money trees for weeks, sent my avatar camping while I attended to other things, went to events where prizes were given out (preferably when there was a CampMaster in the vicinity as well), and finally bought, after long consideration, "Spike Brown" by Adam and Eve (~250L$).

For a while now, I felt that it was time for a change. As an experiment I put on a freebie hairstyle I still had in my inventory. The hair was more messy, and pitch black. I got all kind of reactions along the lines of "I liked your old one better" (Tina) as well as "It was about time you changed it" (Sonne). So I kept on looking, trying demos, browsing blogs. But the male hairstyles I found were all either extremely dull and boring (think "Ken"), or were intended for broad shouldered warrior/barbarian type of avatars with a glistening sixpack under their leather coat. In short: not at all what I looked for.

Before Sonne turned her back on me, we've been looking for hair at FNKY/Cake, where I saw a hairdo explicitly listed as "unisex". I went there with my talented photographer friend Gina the other day, who was looking for new hair as well, and she in fact bought the style called "Rumor" and it looks great on her. That made me thinking. A hairstyle that works both on men and women. Hmmm....

And I started to look into the female hair sections of the shop. And a world opened up for me. Of course not all female hairstyles work for a male avatar. I did not even bother to try any long haired, ponytailed or curly styles. But there is a whole lead of great short hair styles available, and a lot of them worked on my avatar. Cake's "Rumor" and "Dawn" by Adam and Eve were among my favourites, but in the end I settled for "Luth" bei Elika Tiramisu Designs (ETD).

The other day I told all this to Elusyve, and she smiled and surprised me with having the same hairdo in her trademark red. I took the opportunity for a photograph, so you can see it really works on both of us.

Bottom line: Guys, don't be afraid of looking at female prim hair! And a message to hair designers: you are missing an opportunity here - offer suitable hairstyles either as unisex, or put them up in the male section too!

It's a small second world

For the last couple of months I keep on bumping into persons I met before - only in completely different places. And I am not talking about "tourist locations", but a small shop here, a hidden club there, a lonley castle - you get the idea.

The most unlikely coincidence however happened early this week. A new client - Emilie Watkins Premier Equestrian Supplies (great clothing, check it out!) - approached me for some Japanese translations. Since I am always curious about the type of business my clients run, I visited her shop with my new old friend Cake, who in turn brought her friend Nynke in. As I understood it, the Ladies bought quite a lot of the clothing, so giving the translation jobs to me was already a smart move for Emilie... I saw a few things in the shop which Angi, another friend of mine, might like, so I sent her the landmark too.
Angi visited the shop the next day, and in turn brought one of her friends in. Not onlydid he knew the shop before, but he wanted to show it to Angi the week before and simply could not find the landmark. And finally it turned out that he even knew the owner, but under her previous account which she had to give up for some reason. And as Angi tells me he was quite happy to get back into contact with her again.

Nominally, we have millions of residents, but only a fraction of those is online regularly. The population of a small town, so no wonder one bumps into each other occasionally. SL is small then, really small. But still it is funny how things turn out sometimes.

Additional read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_world_phenomenon