October 22, 2007

Djanna

I met Djanna at the most unlikely of places - in front of a guillotine in a vampire sim. The sim itself was recommended to me by Asrael Hax, of the old Backyard days, but it only has one central telehub, so I wandered around it a bit aimlessly and cluelessly. Djanna had a rather tall avatar, and I still wore my Bob the Builder outfit back then. She had the same nationality as myself, so soon we were chatting about almost anything. When I had to leave she offered me friendship - and even though I usually don#t accept it that quick these days, I felt lighthearted and happy when the offer came.

The next day, she IMed me upon log-in, and we talked a few hours away with spirited and funny conversation. I felt quite attracted to this youthful, but also mature person. However I was in the last days of my unhappy un-relationship with my neko friend. It was not officially over then, but it grew more bizarre each day, and the suspicion and certainty grew each day that it was over, that in fact there never really was any relationship, and that I was badly played upon, as well as others were played upon. Still I was reluctant to admit that I had feelings for Djanna. Partly out of loyalty (ha!) to the neko, partly due to the fact that I was pretty much hurt and desillusioned back then, and certainly not looking for a new relationship.

At this time, I met her almost daily. Sooner than expected, the un-relationship with the neko dissolved itself in a pretty bizarre and soap-opera like turn of events. I fell, hurt and wounded, and my great sister Chey, my great friend and ex-Mistress Kim - and Djanna - they all comforted me in their own special ways. Djanna revealed a very similar background. She - too - was hurt in a very similar way. She - too - was done with romance in SL. She - too - still had wounds that had not healed completely. She - too - did not want to get hurt ever again.

It was pretty obvious that Romance had plans for us. But we decided to play it slow, see where it leads us, and to proceed in babysteps. Romance was impatiantly drumming its fingers on the tabletop, but we managed to play it slow for a while. I proposed to Djanna the day we rented a parcel in the great medieval sim of Triskele, and it was the happiest day in SL so far.

Djanna dropped off the grid 12 days ago. Since then, all I heard of her was a single email almost a week ago, where she admitted to have some RL issues. I am sad, concerned, and the poisenous plants of suspicion and doubt has sown their seeds into my soul. I write her daily, and I a full of hope that she eventually returns, but I am doubting it more from day to day.

Please, whoever feels in charge, please don't le me be played upon a second time!
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